Get it on Online
DreamMarriage.com, a Russian online dating website, claims
Online dating has brought a whole new meaning to finding your soul mate. Your choices are no longer limited to the people in your hometown or county. You are able to reach past the distance and countries to find someone you truly care about and want to spend time with (DreamMarriage.com).
As technology has changed so have our dating habits. It is no surprise that here, in 2013, there are over a billion registered online daters who are seeking to find their one true love. Whether it be because of the intimate relationships formed over cyberspace, easy access to the internet, communication via text, or just simply God’s plan for us, there are hundreds of reasons why online dating is a fast growing trend phenomenon in society today.
According to John Bridges people seek out online dating for relationships. These may be serious, casual, or even just a one-night thing. How online dating works has become pretty standard among all the variety of possible sites, making it a relatively simple process for those to find their matches.
The process of online dating begins with creating a profile. Developing a profile on an online dating site can be a decently long process. Because you desire people with the same common interests as you, it is important to take your time when making your profile, especially so others can have the impression of you that you would like them to. The more detail added to your profile, the more successfully the dating site can aid you in discovering whom you belong with. Once your profile is created and posted, people may then begin to interact with matches that are also on the website (Bridges 22).
Forming e-mails to send to your matches is the next step in online dating. This stage is when all communication forms begin and self-disclosure becomes visible in a relationship. If a couple finds a connection in this stage, they may go on to make a telephone date or have a Skype call. Finally, if all the signs are clear, and both partners feel safe, they will plan to meet face-to-face. Once the couple has met face-to-face the online dating process is complete and normal dating will further continue, or not (Bridges 23).
All this being said, E-Harmony.com can be recognized as the “brand” for online dating. It is the most widely known website and has been known as a credible place for people to go and find their match (Bridges 15). On average, E-Harmony.com spends $50 million in advertising per year. However, many will argue that E-Harmony spends this amount of money on advertising because it is also the dating site with the most negative criticisms. Because it is so well advertised, though, many people choose E-Harmony to start their online dating process.
Dr. Neil Clark Warren can be credited with the design and creation of E-Harmony.com. He, a man with strong Christian faith, designed E-Harmony around his practice. Originally, you could not see people’s photographs because he believed that people needed to get to know each other beyond their physical appearance. Also, in sync with his religion, Dr. Warren does not support lesbian and gay relationships. Because of this, men can only search for women and vice versa. Among the biggest complaints with E-Harmony, though, is the lengthy questionnaire that participants must fill out before even creating a profile. This questionnaire can take up to an hour to fill out and a lot of questions are debatably too personal. Other complaints with E-Harmony include dissatisfaction with matches, lack of responses with matches, distance between matches, and no clear difference between paying customers and non-paying customers. Bridges states, “Dr. Clark has tried to “jazz” up his site, but now there are stronger competitors in the online dating world,” (Bridges 18).
Online sites like E-Harmony.com and Match.com grew at a very fast pace, and so did the diversity among people using the sites. Logan Hill seeks to inform in his article the creation of Sparknetwork and how it attempts to eliminate diversity and give those looking for a relationship, exactly what they want. Sparknetwork is the parent company for sites like Jdate.com (Jewish singles) and ChristianMingle.com (Christian singles). Every site created within their network was designed to give people a chance at a relationship with someone that has a mutual bond of importance.
“Find God’s match for you at ChristianMingle.com,” and “One months pay at Jdate is cheaper than a night out on the town,” are two examples of tactics that Sparknetwork uses to lure specific culture groups into their site. These catchy slogans prove to be effective though because in 2009, 23 percent of couples found their romantic match on one of the 26 Sparknetwork online dating websites. They also generated millions of dollars annually over the past five years. Allowing people to meet people within their same culture background has been a very big attraction in the recent online dating world. It gives couple more confidence while also making them feel more secure (Hill).
Searching for other reason besides the attractiveness to a culture, Andrea Baker wanted to make her own observations to why the sudden trend in online dating. Baker writes a unique article in Online M@tchmaking about observations she made from conducting a study. Within her study 90 people (45 couples) who had met online were asked a multitude of questions regarding their relationships. Baker’s main goal of her study was to see what real life couples thought about online dating and why people continue to use it after a previous relationship goes badly.
Baker discovered from her experiment that the appeal to online dating, she concludes, is purely communication. Through online dating, people have the ability to express themselves for who they want to be, and hopefully really are. Here, people can express emotions, lifestyles, hobbies, interests, etc. for the public to see and hopefully enjoy. It creates much positive energy between people (Baker 99). Because people are communicating in non-face-to-face contact, text and writing styles becomes the key to attractiveness. People must win the hearts of others through their impressive choice of words (Baker 100). Common ways in which this is done is through expressing emotions/affection, emoticons and sensory symbols, and a long yearning to be with your partner.
Most people are likely more willing to self-disclose online rather than face-to-face. That being said, emotions are more easily expressed through script rather than through mouth. This appeals to many who online date because they have someone who wants to listen to their emotions and the person expressing can get the weight they want off their shoulders. Instead of letting emotions build up inside, like many non-online couples, they are able to be more open and honest with their significant other. Couples are able to get on a more intimate level (Baker 103).
To overly express these emotions, couples will use emoticons to give their partner a sense and visual of what they are feeling. For example, the winky face, ;-), and the laughing face :-D. Phrases like “haha” and “hehe” are also used. These figures add reassurance to whatever is being stated and deepens couples feelings.
Finally, the yearning and longing to hold and be with your partner is always a major factor in online dating. “Hmmmm another night without you, what to do??! I’ll just dream of waking up with your face buried in the back of my neck J,” Arabella stated to Brett in an e-mail that Baker used for her study. Expressing to each other that you miss one another in a relationship helps builds confidence in the relationship. It also lets the other know that they are, in fact, on your mind (Baker 104).
A completely different side of online dating is cyberlove and cybersex. In Love Online, Aaron Ben Ze’ev examines romantic and sexual relations that consist of computer-mediated communication (Ben Ze’ev 4). In this type of relation people send provocative and erotic messages to each other, some to the point of orgasm. Couples who are involved in cybersex claim that all their wildest dreams come to life through the computer. They can be involved in a relationship without actually being involved. It is also a way to be socially involved without ever leaving your computer.
Oppositely, many people do take this particular relationship very seriously. Some even vow to their partners that they will be cyber-faithful and may even gets cyber-married. All the pressures of a sexual relationship are still present in this relationship and the emotion of love is experienced just as strongly and intensely as offline relationships (Ben Ze’ev 6).
Computers have changed not only the way we work, but also they way we fall in love. Online dating is becoming increasingly more popular every year. Despite all the dangers and risks that are included with meeting partners online, many are still greatly attracted to the idea for a variety of stated reasons. As the Internet continues to grow, so will the phenomenon of online dating.
Baker, Andrea. Online M@tchmaking. New York: Palgrave macmillan, 2007. Print.
Ben-Ze’ev, Aaron. Love Online. New York: Cambridge, 2004. Print.
Bridges, John C. The Illusion of Intimacy: Problems in the World of Online Dating. Santa
Barbara: Praeger, 2012. Print.
Hill, Logan. “With God as your Wingman.” Bloomberg Businessweek 4319 (2013): 71-73.
Business Source Complete. Web. 13 April 2013.